When I guard myself

Taking a leap of faith
Ashton: "question @psychicsarah have you met @lauradayintuit I think the two of you connecting with one another could create powerful results."
Ashton then posted a video where he pissed in a cup. I think he's trying to say he's pissed off with me. He gives me mixed signals. He wants me to read into something it seems, but then his most recent video, he is pissed for some reason.

I chose this video to read into and I'll explain. I don't direct it at Ashton singing to me, but someone else from yesterdays blog. I'll go both routes acknowledging both him and me.

The route where its from my perspective: I like this video. He's talking to the war veteran like I want to be acknowledged. He doesn't minimize nor maximize but is making the move to reconcile, to talk to also get some repression out. This is a hot video. The reason that I thought it could be who I thought from yesterday was because I was being secretive about him and the singer didn't want to be.
I refer to him as a carrot because he is a tease. I do hate the carroting method, but in this instance with the secrecy, I can see why I should keep it on the down low. At the same time, I don't want him to put me in a crippling position, that would be contradicting. The reason I am secretive is because, even vaguely knowing him, there is a treasure there. I'm not the type that treats something I value carelessly. There are little girls that like to run around that fight, argue, and demand at playing Barbies. This is not something I would want to fall into the hands of a little girl or even a little boy. This is something that is between him and I. So, its not out of shame, its out of protecting something that I value.

The route from Ashtons: I have no clue why he is pissed. Maybe he wanted to give it to someone else. It reminds me of Grey's Anatomy the other day with the girl that needed the kidney. Maybe he's pissed that this is something that I want. Tons of girls playing Chicago and he has more support for a different Chicago girl. I won't be embarassed by his deception if he is deceiving and pranking. It is something that I want and that I feel on the same page with. So, if nobody is connected right now, I could always use it as a building block. Save myself for someone who wants to give it that I like in return.

want to elaborate on the word "reconcile."
to compose or settle (a quarrel, dispute, etc.).

I don't like to fight a lot, but I think there are some things worth fighting for. It is valid to me to have someone that can see eye to eye and discuss things with me, rather than being overlooked as not being intelligent enough to discuss the matter with. I would rather have myself heard, than be overlooked, misunderstood, misinterpreted, than have to suffer in any form with: neglect, verbal abuse, or interrogations. I hate dysfunction. I hate distance. I hate when I'm not on the same page. I also don't want to be controlled either because of the misunderstanding. So yes, this is something that I highly value.






Undisclosed Desires

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